Are "Situationships" A Distraction?

Sarah Machan of StudyBreaks.com wrote an article, “Situationships are the New Normal Amongst Millennials.” She talks about the effects of being in a Situationship. There is no intimacy therefore you can still feel lonely. It is hard for you to make a decision to leave due to not even being sure of exactly what you’re leaving. There is no clarity of the direction of the relationship because you are not sure if it is even a relationship. You also walk around with unresolved feelings due to never seriously addressing your needs.  

Many phrases come to mind when we think of the word Situationships. Some are super casual meetups, no label relationships, and don’t ask-don’t tell.

Whatever you call it basically it is the same. It is a no commitment, no sweat, no future dating situation. 

 Samantha Burns the author of “Breaking & Bouncing Back,” describes it this way, “It’s like you’re playing house by pretending you’re in a relationship, but with no real consistency, dependency or reliability.”  Remember when you played house as a child. I repeat as a child. This would imply to me adults would be off-limits for something like this, right. Well, the rules have changed. There are those who would like to have no real commitment of any kind and this is why Situationships exist.

Lets’ take a look at the origin of dating and fast forward it to modern times. The origin dates back to 1896. The author of “Labor of Love: The Invention of Dating”, (Farrar, Straus, and Giroux) Moira Weigel suggests women played the most significant role in the upspring of what we now call dating. Weigel goes on to say dating began in the early 1900s. Police were sent out to investigate the dealings of women who set out to meet men in selective cities in the US.                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

The term ‘dating’ was first used in a newspaper column about a young columnist named George Ade, who complained about his girlfriend seeing other people. He was concerned the other men were filling up all his dates on the calendar. 

Women had become more independent and no longer dependent on the men in their life. This lead to the era of courtships. I do not mean to be long-winded but simply wanted to bring some insight to large the gap is from the inception of dating till now. 

So fast forward and now we are in Situationships. Don’t know if you may be in one? Let me help you. According to Anna Medaris Miller, if you are in one you should be trying to get ‘TF’ out of it. I would like to think she means ‘The Freak’ out of it for the sake of this article.  She writes in Women’s Health Magazine online an article ‘9 Signs You’re In A ‘Situationship’–And How To Get TF Out Of It’.

The nine ways to identify a Situationship is you only make short term or last-minute plans. The relationship is inconsistent. The other party always have vague excuses because remember you are not boyfriend or girlfriend status. You are not even the side piece. You mostly have small talk and surface talk, never going deeper. You steer far away from talking about the future because remember there is no future to talk about. The other party tells you they do not want to take the relationship to the next level. They consistently show you they do not want to take the relationship seriously. You feel anxious because of the uncertainty of the relationship. You feel bored with the situation because there is nothing stimulating about it. 

Ok, listing out all the problems is no good if solutions are not offered. So, here are some solutions. How do you get out?

You are going to have to put your feelings first. You will need to take a hard look in the mirror and ask yourself, “What do I really want out of a relationship.” You are going to have to set boundaries. You are going to have to ask them the hard questions like, where do you see this relationship going? Like, what are you looking for in a relationship? Let them know what you will and will not accept going forward. You are going to have to become unavailable for last-minute hookups. 

To change your Situationship, you will need to change you. This is the hard part that no one wants to hear. Now if you are reading this and like being in one then that is another blog for another time. 

"Daddy Issues" Hype or Reality

"Daddy issues" is an informal phrase for the psychological challenges resulting from an absent or abnormal relationship with one’s father, often manifesting in a distrust of or sexual desire for, men who act as father figures.


Recently, the death of basketball great, Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gigi and seven others, has magnified relationships between girls and their dads.

It has ignited a movement, a hashtag going around, #girldad, which has captured the hearts of many.

Dads all over the world are posting pictures of them and their daughters.
In a world of “girl power” and “the future is female’, this just furthers the notion, there is something special which happens when a girl and her father bond.

However, today I am not writing about dads who are active in their children’s lives. Rather, I am talking about girls who do not grow up with their fathers or who have an estranged relationship with them issues with dads are real.


Some may find the term “daddy issues” an offensive term but the truth is, it is not meant to be. It is simple a brilliant way in saying your relationship with your dad or lack of it, affects your interactions with other people and situations.

In order to explain the “why” in any given circumstance, we must take an in depth look at the origins of it. For example, take the recent outbreak of Coronavirus in China and other countries. It has left the medical experts asking the question why and how this happened.

 To answer the question why, they have begun to backtrack the steps of those who have been affected.

This is the same thing that is been played out when we begin to examine what it means to have “daddy issues”. When we begin to look deep into the past of women and girls who do not have a strong father and daughter bond.

What are some of the signs someone may have daddy issues?

 Let’s look at them.



Trust

One of the signs is having an issue with trust. You may feel as if you are going to always experience what you have in the past. On the flip side, you may fear the new experience that is before you. If you never knew your father as I never have, you may have been left to feel a lack of affirmation in certain areas which may have caused a disconnect when it came to be able to trust.

Some of you had a close relationship with your father but may have experienced other issues due to it being strained. So, it is not just that you may have not known your father, but it could also be the fact that the relationship is dysfunctional in ways for whatever reason.



Older Is Better

There are some women who are attracted to older men not only for security purposes but because they are wanting a father figure in their lives. We are constantly told women are attracted to security and for the most part this is true. However, if this need is due to the need of a women’s endless desire for affirmation, then a “daddy issue” could be at play.



Can’t Be Alone

For some women being alone is not an option. They are constantly on the hunt for the new guy or the new relationship. It is like a constant roller coaster. In and out of relationships trying to get the affirmations and approval which was not given by their father. There is absolutely nothing wrong with desiring a partner. We all do for the most part. However, when you make that your purpose in life then ‘Houston we have a problem’. Here is why you may find yourself in a dead-end relationship which is not going anywhere.



Insecurity

Have you ever let your emotions get the best of you? Have you ever had a good guy and you treated him like the bad one you have had? Are you smothering your mate? If so then it is possible you have “daddy issues”. It is better to know and be aware of them so that you can properly deal with them.

Being aware will only make you a better person who is able to build better relationships.

Keep in mind every woman and girl who have not had a close or healthy bond with their father is in this category.  Self-examine your actions and relationship interactions. Look at your relationship patterns and this will help you assess whether or not you may have unresolved "daddy issues".